Bad, Bad Blogger…

Yep, that’s me. I have been absent for, well, a long time. It hasn’t been intentional. I’ve just found that as my pregnancy has been progressing, I have had to withdraw a bit from the blogging/forum world. I’m already a super paranoid, pessimistic person by nature and some days, even with a growing bump and more than halfway through my pregnancy, I still can’t get my head wrapped around the fact that this is happening. It probably doesn’t make sense to a lot of people but I just can’t believe after everything we’ve been through that I am actually pregnant and, well, very much so.

So, in an attempt to save my sanity, I’ve had to stop obsessing over IF blogging, etc. and try and enjoy this pregnancy. I still (and always will) identify as an ‘infertile’ and that is not a negative thing in the least but I’ve realized that it has been really hard for me to let go of that world a little bit and enjoy my actual pregnancy and so I’ve had to pull away a little. This brief moment in time is one that I have waited for over six years to enjoy and in all likelihood will be a once in a lifetime experience for me and so I am trying to embrace that I am indeed pregnant and immerse myself in that world for now.

I have been continuing to read all of your blogs and am still cheering (sometimes silently behind the scenes) for all of you.

Things have been going well all in all. So far the only complication is that I was identified as having a low-lying placenta at my 20-week ultrasound. The vast majority of the time, it moves up and out of the way by the third trimester but if not, it will mean a c-section when the time comes, which is perfectly fine with me. Of course, there can be other complications but I am not worrying myself at this point. More than likely, everything will be fine. I have another ultrasound January 14th, when I will be 28 weeks, and hopefully by then the placenta will have moved up and out of the way. It’s not covering my cervix (which is called placenta previa) but is about 1 cm away.

Other than that little hiccup, we’re doing well. My blood pressure has been good, I’m still struggling with nausea and vomiting from time to time but really, all is good.

I did end up in Labour and Delivery this past weekend but it was just to be safe. I thought I might have a UTI and was having some discomfort/pressure which was worrying me so my doctor suggested going in and getting it checked out. I felt a bit stupid when we got to the hospital but everyone was really nice and didn’t make me feel like a pyscho for coming in and getting it checked out. Turns out everything looked OK but in the end, I’m glad I went. Otherwise I would have just worried all weekend.

So for now, we are just plugging along and hoping things continue to go smoothly for the next few months. Oh…and last but certainly not least…it’s a boy! I was super surprised when we found out. Not sure why – I didn’t care in the least. I think I just always pictured myself as a girl’s mom (I’m such a girl) so when we found out he’s a boy, I was just stunned. I kept saying to K, “I don’t know boys. What if I’m not good at it?” However, that was just a momentary fear which quickly turned to excitement. I can’t wait to meet my son (that sounds so weird!).

So…that in a nutshell, is what’s been happening with me. I hope that it won’t be as long between posts next time but as I said above, I just have to do what I have to do at this point to try and stay in the moment and embrace this time. I think about you all often and am so thankful for the people I have ‘met’ online. Not sure what I would do without you.

Until next time. Happy Holidays to all.

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