Little Update

Just thought I’d check in really quick.

Everything is going great. I had an ultrasound last week to check on my placenta and low and behold it has moved up and out of the way so I’m clear for a vaginal delivery. And the best part of that day was seeing our little dude again! Oh my has he grown. We got to see him in 3D and it was AMAZING! His features were so clear (clear enough that I could already see resemblances to K and I) and he was moving around like a maniac! He had his eyes wide open and we could see him looking around – so, so unbelievably awe-inspiring. I can’t wait to meet this young man!

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Other than that I’ve been feeling pretty good. Still a bit pukey but not too bad on most days. My blood pressure has been great, I passed my glucose tolerance test…all in all, everything is great and I have zero complaints.

The one thing that’s caught me off-guard a few times lately is the question many people seem to ask (not being aware of our struggles for the most part)…”are you going to have more children?” It always throws me for a loop and I feel a little unprepared to answer. So I usually just respond, “Probably not,” to which some people seem to feel the need to justify our ‘decision’ to only have one child. And then, I usually feel both a little sad and then a little guilty. Why guilty you ask? Well, because I truly feel like we’ve won the jackpot. After everything we’ve been through…six years of this…I know how very, very, very fortunate we are to have this little guy on the way. Believe me…you have no idea how grateful I am. But I also wish, on some level, that we could have another child. More so for him than us. And then I feel guilty because I feel like I have no right to wish for anything more…I’ve already won the lottery of a lifetime. But as guilty as it makes me feel, I can’t help but feel saddened by the fact that someone else had a hand in our chances at having more children. Had my hydrosalpinx been dealt with earlier and we not wasted so much time on treatment without realizing that the treatment never really had a chance with the hydrosalpinx in place, maybe just maybe we would have been able to give our little miracle a sibling. But, alas, this is what life has handed to us and whenever that little twinge of sadness hits, I just feel my belly and thank my lucky stars for the beautiful gift we have been given. This little guy will have more love than he will know what to do with.

Hope all is well with all of you. Until next time.

Bad, Bad Blogger…

Yep, that’s me. I have been absent for, well, a long time. It hasn’t been intentional. I’ve just found that as my pregnancy has been progressing, I have had to withdraw a bit from the blogging/forum world. I’m already a super paranoid, pessimistic person by nature and some days, even with a growing bump and more than halfway through my pregnancy, I still can’t get my head wrapped around the fact that this is happening. It probably doesn’t make sense to a lot of people but I just can’t believe after everything we’ve been through that I am actually pregnant and, well, very much so.

So, in an attempt to save my sanity, I’ve had to stop obsessing over IF blogging, etc. and try and enjoy this pregnancy. I still (and always will) identify as an ‘infertile’ and that is not a negative thing in the least but I’ve realized that it has been really hard for me to let go of that world a little bit and enjoy my actual pregnancy and so I’ve had to pull away a little. This brief moment in time is one that I have waited for over six years to enjoy and in all likelihood will be a once in a lifetime experience for me and so I am trying to embrace that I am indeed pregnant and immerse myself in that world for now.

I have been continuing to read all of your blogs and am still cheering (sometimes silently behind the scenes) for all of you.

Things have been going well all in all. So far the only complication is that I was identified as having a low-lying placenta at my 20-week ultrasound. The vast majority of the time, it moves up and out of the way by the third trimester but if not, it will mean a c-section when the time comes, which is perfectly fine with me. Of course, there can be other complications but I am not worrying myself at this point. More than likely, everything will be fine. I have another ultrasound January 14th, when I will be 28 weeks, and hopefully by then the placenta will have moved up and out of the way. It’s not covering my cervix (which is called placenta previa) but is about 1 cm away.

Other than that little hiccup, we’re doing well. My blood pressure has been good, I’m still struggling with nausea and vomiting from time to time but really, all is good.

I did end up in Labour and Delivery this past weekend but it was just to be safe. I thought I might have a UTI and was having some discomfort/pressure which was worrying me so my doctor suggested going in and getting it checked out. I felt a bit stupid when we got to the hospital but everyone was really nice and didn’t make me feel like a pyscho for coming in and getting it checked out. Turns out everything looked OK but in the end, I’m glad I went. Otherwise I would have just worried all weekend.

So for now, we are just plugging along and hoping things continue to go smoothly for the next few months. Oh…and last but certainly not least…it’s a boy! I was super surprised when we found out. Not sure why – I didn’t care in the least. I think I just always pictured myself as a girl’s mom (I’m such a girl) so when we found out he’s a boy, I was just stunned. I kept saying to K, “I don’t know boys. What if I’m not good at it?” However, that was just a momentary fear which quickly turned to excitement. I can’t wait to meet my son (that sounds so weird!).

So…that in a nutshell, is what’s been happening with me. I hope that it won’t be as long between posts next time but as I said above, I just have to do what I have to do at this point to try and stay in the moment and embrace this time. I think about you all often and am so thankful for the people I have ‘met’ online. Not sure what I would do without you.

Until next time. Happy Holidays to all.