Surreal

Today was a BIG day…giant day. Ultrasound #1.

It’s been a tough week. I had some spotting and cramping last week – Monday, Thursday and Friday. The spotting was fairly minor – was really just there when I wiped, but it was bright red at times and that, along with some fairly moderate cramping, had me beside myself with worry. The nurses at CCRM talked me off the ledge on more than one occasion, reassuring me that both spotting and cramping (and, yes, even together) are very, very common in IVF pregnancies. I wish that had been enough to put my mind at ease but it wasn’t – Friday was a bad, bad day. CCRM had me start an antibiotic Friday as well – just in case. The way the nurse explained it was that if something could get out (i.e. blood), then there was a possibility of infection getting in, so better to be safe.

Luckily the spotting tapered off Friday evening but I then got a wicked headache that lasted until end of day Saturday. Nausea started Saturday as well, which weirdly enough made me feel better – Nausea is a good sign, right?

Anyhow, no more spotting since Friday (knock on wood), still have some mild cramping coming and going and I’m definitely nauseous. I haven’t thrown up yet but have felt nauseous on and off since Saturday (which I’m not complaining about one tiny bit – it’s somehow reassuring).

I had my levels checked Friday as well and am still struggling a bit with my P4, although Dr. M isn’t terribly concerned. I’m already on suppositories 4/day as well as 1 cc of PIO daily so they don’t want to increase it any further. I’m trying not to worry about it and just trust in my doctor.

And now, finally, the BIG news of the day. Today’s ultrasound went great – there is one, beautifully breathtaking bean inside ladies! According to the ultrasound tech, our little bean is doing great – measuring in at 6.6 mm with a heartbeat of 121 bpm – unbelievable. I am in shock. The tech said that s(he) is measuring a day ahead at 6w4d gestational age. Very emotional day for me. Aside from a few tears, I held it together in the ultrasound room but when we got to the car, let me tell you the flood gates burst. So happy, so relieved….in awe.

Still not out of the woods…don’t know that I will ever truly feel ‘safe’ after what we’ve been through but today things are looking good.

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This ride is NOT for the faint of heart…

Well ladies…it’s been a crazy couple of weeks full of highs and lows, and as I sit down to write this…I.am.exhausted.

Let me start by saying that I have been sporadically checking in on all of you over the past couple of weeks and I will get caught up on all of your happenings very soon but you have never been far from my thoughts. I did manage to hear the news that Sunflower got a BFP and let me just say how incredibly happy I am for her. Yay!!!

As for me, we had a lovely time in Denver. We made a little holiday of it and really enjoyed ourselves. Sadly, we were down there right after the Aurora shootings – so incredibly sad.

We stayed at the Element this time. We usually stay at Staybridge in DTC but the prices were through the roof this time so we went with the Element. We really enjoyed it for the most part except for a couple of minor issues. The thing we missed most about Staybridge was the people, who we found much friendlier.

TRANSFER DAY (July 25) The day started off a bit rough. I’d been pretty calm leading up to the big day but that morning I was a ball of nerves. We got a call from one of the embryologists early in the morning confirming that we were unthawing two embies. A couple of hours later she called back – just as we were heading out to CCRM – to let us know that one our little guys didn’t make it. She asked if she could unthaw our other CCS normal and we said of course. Although I wasn’t totally shocked that our little 6BB didn’t make it (Dr. M had advised me during our post-CCS results chat that the 6’s could be quite delicate due to the fact that they had already hatched), I was taken aback by how sad I was for our little bean. I had a little 10-15 minute breakdown and then pulled myself together and tried to focus on our other two embies.

The transfer itself went great. Acupuncture was super relaxing, my bladder was beyond full (so yes I had the joy of using a bed pan), embies looked great…all and all couldn’t have gone better. Dr. M gave me a big hug before she left (which caused a very strong emotional reaction – I was so choked up I wasn’t able to get the words out to properly thank her). And we were on our way.

Bedrest was not so much fun. I have back issues and after two days in bed, my back was a hot mess but thankfully it was OK once I was able to get back to moving around.

We stopped by CCRM once more on our way out of town to double check my levels as my E2 was a bit low transfer day. Flight home was good (although our luggage didn’t arrive until the next day) and then the hardest part of all of this…the dreaded TWW.

I kept a list of symptoms just in case anyone is like me and obsessively scours other people’s blogs looking for signs and symptoms during the TWW.

1dp5dt
Didn’t notice much other than very faint pms’y cramps – very, very minor though. Sore back but due to bedrest.

2dp5dt
More crampy today. Mild lower back cramping as well.

4dp5dt
Not much in terms of symptoms today. Feeling really good actually.

5dp5dt
Feeling good. Back is a bit sore. Minor cramping, twinges. Bbs are a bit tender.

6dp5dt
Crampy today. Wiped after peeing and slight pink/peach colour on tissue (nervous). Sore bbs.

7dp5dt
Sore bbs overnight. Lower back ache. Cramping overnight (very nervous).  Still crampy but seems to have let up slightly. Mild nausea (not even sure I would call it nausea, but something?). Some red on tissue in evening when I wiped, then later brown.

8dp5dt
Cramping much less. A little brown spotting (very minor). One episode of red again on tissue when I wiped (STOP IT!!).

BETA DAY (August 3) NERVOUS as I’ve ever been – in my whole life. Bad experience at the lab. The same tech who drew my E2 three weeks earlier and had no problem faxing to CCRM, today decided faxing the results to CCRM and not to my primary physician here was against their policy. Nice. After a meltdown in which I explained that my doctor here who co-wrote the requisition was not in the office and that I needed the results sent to CCRM TODAY and with K on the verge of losing his marbles, she finally conceded. Thanks – just what I needed right now, more stress. Ugg. Oh and to top it off, friends of ours showed up at the lab with their eight month old twins in the midst of all of this (and we have not told a sole about this transfer – luckily they came in at the tail end of it so no one was the wiser).

Results – it’s positive ladies. I am preggo. That feels very, very scary to write but as of this moment (and hopefully for the next nine months, I am actually pregnant). My beta today was 180 (I think that’s a good number). The only worry today is my P4 which has gone down and is currently below where they want it to be. The nurse advised me to increase my progesterone suppositories to four times a day and I also asked to be on PIO, which she agreed to (I’m sure she thinks I’m a total whack-a-doodle obsesso) so I’ll add that in every second day (was a bit of a nightmare to track down but thankfully my good friend Iveta from Little Diiorio had given me some from her cycle). So, hopefully that will do the trick. I’ll get my levels checked again Sunday (although the P4 results won’t likely be back until Tuesday – it’s a long weekend here) and hopefully everything will be where it should be at that point.

I am feeling a bit of PTSD and although I am happy beyond words, I am guarded and cautious. A natural reaction, I believe, to everything we have been through over the past six years. I so hope this works. I want this more than anything I have ever wanted in my life.

Oh, and in case any of you are wondering, yes, I did cave at 7dp5dt and took an HPT. I had absolutely no intention of doing testing before beta day but with all of the cramping and then the minor spotting, I was literally going insane and so I figured I had to do it and it was positive. I took three more just to make sure 😉

I promise to be more regular in posting going forward. I felt bad not updating all of you but I just needed to step away from blogging during this process. I appreciate all of your support more than words can express and I just hope beyond hope, that everything continues to progress well. I need it to.

Lots of love ladies and I will post again soon.