He’s Here…

Sorry I’m so far behind in my posts and commenting on your blogs but life has thrown us a lot of curves these past few months and it’s been a very challenging time. But last week, our beautiful little miracle arrived and has returned some very much needed joy to our lives. Jacob Daniel arrived via c-section last Wednesday, April 10th at 9:40 a.m. He weighed 8 pounds, 2 ounces and was 20.25 inches long. He is perfect.

I will try and write more later but for now here are a few pictures (he was jaundice so had to receive phototherapy in the hospital – hence the goggles pic).

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Dark Days with a Ray of Light

It is with a very heavy heart that I write this post. I debated whether or not to even do so but this blog has been an honest and, at at times, very painful chronicle of our journey to create this precious life I am carrying, and this recent tragedy has had a profound impact on our lives and will absolutely affect the life of our son and so I felt I needed to write this.

My dear, dear father-in-law was in a very serious accident two and a half weeks ago while vacationing with my mother-in-law and friends in the Caribbean. He was struck, while walking, by an impaired driver. We knew early on that the prognosis was not good. He had sustained very serious head injuries. After four grueling days of persistance, my husband, his brothers and his mom were finally able to get their dad/husband home via air ambulance. We knew that there was very little hope for recovery but we wanted him home – and now knowing the extent of his injuries – by some miracle, he made it. We were all able to see him and say goodbye before he passed away a little more than four hours after arriving home.

Words cannot express the sorrow that has overcome our family. K and I are devastated that our son will not meet his grandpa – one of our biggest supporters through our struggles to conceive. He was so looking forward to meeting his grandson in a few short weeks. I will never, ever forget his reaction when we got to tell him we were finally pregnant last October. We showed him the ultrsasound picture on our iPad, it took him a few minutes to figure out what it was and then he immediately broke down in tears. He loved this baby so much already. And although they will never get to meet in this world, we know that our son’s impending arrival has brought a sense of hope and anticipation to our family during a very dark time and for that, we feel blessed.

It’s easy to forget how precious and fragile life really is and this horrific tragedy has reminded me to cherish every day with the people I love because you just never know what tomorrow will bring.

Little Update

Just thought I’d check in really quick.

Everything is going great. I had an ultrasound last week to check on my placenta and low and behold it has moved up and out of the way so I’m clear for a vaginal delivery. And the best part of that day was seeing our little dude again! Oh my has he grown. We got to see him in 3D and it was AMAZING! His features were so clear (clear enough that I could already see resemblances to K and I) and he was moving around like a maniac! He had his eyes wide open and we could see him looking around – so, so unbelievably awe-inspiring. I can’t wait to meet this young man!

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Other than that I’ve been feeling pretty good. Still a bit pukey but not too bad on most days. My blood pressure has been great, I passed my glucose tolerance test…all in all, everything is great and I have zero complaints.

The one thing that’s caught me off-guard a few times lately is the question many people seem to ask (not being aware of our struggles for the most part)…”are you going to have more children?” It always throws me for a loop and I feel a little unprepared to answer. So I usually just respond, “Probably not,” to which some people seem to feel the need to justify our ‘decision’ to only have one child. And then, I usually feel both a little sad and then a little guilty. Why guilty you ask? Well, because I truly feel like we’ve won the jackpot. After everything we’ve been through…six years of this…I know how very, very, very fortunate we are to have this little guy on the way. Believe me…you have no idea how grateful I am. But I also wish, on some level, that we could have another child. More so for him than us. And then I feel guilty because I feel like I have no right to wish for anything more…I’ve already won the lottery of a lifetime. But as guilty as it makes me feel, I can’t help but feel saddened by the fact that someone else had a hand in our chances at having more children. Had my hydrosalpinx been dealt with earlier and we not wasted so much time on treatment without realizing that the treatment never really had a chance with the hydrosalpinx in place, maybe just maybe we would have been able to give our little miracle a sibling. But, alas, this is what life has handed to us and whenever that little twinge of sadness hits, I just feel my belly and thank my lucky stars for the beautiful gift we have been given. This little guy will have more love than he will know what to do with.

Hope all is well with all of you. Until next time.

Bad, Bad Blogger…

Yep, that’s me. I have been absent for, well, a long time. It hasn’t been intentional. I’ve just found that as my pregnancy has been progressing, I have had to withdraw a bit from the blogging/forum world. I’m already a super paranoid, pessimistic person by nature and some days, even with a growing bump and more than halfway through my pregnancy, I still can’t get my head wrapped around the fact that this is happening. It probably doesn’t make sense to a lot of people but I just can’t believe after everything we’ve been through that I am actually pregnant and, well, very much so.

So, in an attempt to save my sanity, I’ve had to stop obsessing over IF blogging, etc. and try and enjoy this pregnancy. I still (and always will) identify as an ‘infertile’ and that is not a negative thing in the least but I’ve realized that it has been really hard for me to let go of that world a little bit and enjoy my actual pregnancy and so I’ve had to pull away a little. This brief moment in time is one that I have waited for over six years to enjoy and in all likelihood will be a once in a lifetime experience for me and so I am trying to embrace that I am indeed pregnant and immerse myself in that world for now.

I have been continuing to read all of your blogs and am still cheering (sometimes silently behind the scenes) for all of you.

Things have been going well all in all. So far the only complication is that I was identified as having a low-lying placenta at my 20-week ultrasound. The vast majority of the time, it moves up and out of the way by the third trimester but if not, it will mean a c-section when the time comes, which is perfectly fine with me. Of course, there can be other complications but I am not worrying myself at this point. More than likely, everything will be fine. I have another ultrasound January 14th, when I will be 28 weeks, and hopefully by then the placenta will have moved up and out of the way. It’s not covering my cervix (which is called placenta previa) but is about 1 cm away.

Other than that little hiccup, we’re doing well. My blood pressure has been good, I’m still struggling with nausea and vomiting from time to time but really, all is good.

I did end up in Labour and Delivery this past weekend but it was just to be safe. I thought I might have a UTI and was having some discomfort/pressure which was worrying me so my doctor suggested going in and getting it checked out. I felt a bit stupid when we got to the hospital but everyone was really nice and didn’t make me feel like a pyscho for coming in and getting it checked out. Turns out everything looked OK but in the end, I’m glad I went. Otherwise I would have just worried all weekend.

So for now, we are just plugging along and hoping things continue to go smoothly for the next few months. Oh…and last but certainly not least…it’s a boy! I was super surprised when we found out. Not sure why – I didn’t care in the least. I think I just always pictured myself as a girl’s mom (I’m such a girl) so when we found out he’s a boy, I was just stunned. I kept saying to K, “I don’t know boys. What if I’m not good at it?” However, that was just a momentary fear which quickly turned to excitement. I can’t wait to meet my son (that sounds so weird!).

So…that in a nutshell, is what’s been happening with me. I hope that it won’t be as long between posts next time but as I said above, I just have to do what I have to do at this point to try and stay in the moment and embrace this time. I think about you all often and am so thankful for the people I have ‘met’ online. Not sure what I would do without you.

Until next time. Happy Holidays to all.

Graduation and Telling

As of yesterday, I’ve officially graduated from CCRM. Wow – I can’t believe I’m typing that. My E2 and P4 levels from my last blood draw were good – both increased despite no supplementation since Friday so the placenta is now fully doing its job.

We also decided it was probably time to start telling a few people…well that was the plan anyhow. Saturday we told K’s parents, which was SO much fun! They had absolutely no idea and were completely floored. K’s dad broke down in tears immediately (and then again 45 minutes later out of the blue). We told my mom the following day and that was pretty exciting as well. She wasn’t quite as shocked as K’s parents as she had a tiny bit of a hunch but it was still lots of fun nonetheless.

We hadn’t planned a lot further ahead than sharing the news with our parents but it became clear very quickly that if we wanted to be the ones to tell our friends and family, we better do it soon as our mothers were chomping at the bit. So over the course of the long weekend, between the two of us, we told most of our close friends and family. There are still a few more to go but we’re almost there. It’s been fun but totally exhausting. It’s super strange to go from having this secret between the two of us for the past 13 weeks (actually longer if you count our trip down to Denver as no one knew we were going) to sharing the news with everyone close to us. It actually kind of stressed us out a bit but we just have to trust that everything will be OK.

Speaking of which, we had an appointment with our OB yesterday and everything looks great. We finally got to hear the baby’s heartbeat which was phenomenonal (this was the first time we’ve heard it – we’ve seen it on ultrasound before but haven’t actually heard it. So cool.).

So…that’s about it for me. Feeling very, very, VERY fortunate to be where I am today.